Parenting 2.0

We were expecting to organize our baby’s room.

What we ended up doing was organizing our son’s funeral.

We were expecting a baby brother for Niko this coming April.

What we got was the tiniest of baby brothers, four months early.

We were expecting little Yuri to grow up with our family.

What we got was the briefest of times with our tiny son, who has now become the littlest of angels watching over us for the rest of our days.

We were expecting to build a lifetime of memories.

All we got was two precious hours.

We were expecting to meet this family member and fall in love with him. And we did.

Life. You can plan for it. You can hope and wish for the best. You can do your best to ensure the best happens for you, but in the end there are some things just beyond your control. I realized the truth of these words last week when a day that started out like any other resulted in the birth of little Yuri, four months early.  My water broke at work and my body went in to labour, there was nothing anyone could do.

Borys, Niko and I had been excitedly planning for the arrival of Niko’s baby brother, this coming April. Being only 14 months old, Niko wasn’t really aware of all the anticipation and excitement that was building in the house. Despite the fact that it had not been a smooth pregnancy, with the loss of a twin in the first trimester and a hematoma on my placenta in the second, we remained positive and continued to hope for the best, resuming life’s normal activities while awaiting the arrival of our baby in the spring.

But that arrival came all too early: much earlier than April, and much earlier than Niko, who was born at 36 weeks. Yes, little Yuri was born into this world at only 21 weeks. And it was with great sadness and heavy hearts that we saw the extent our little son’s short life flash before our eyes, while holding him in our arms, within the span of only a couple of hours.

Although his time with us was short, the shortest you could imagine, the imprint he left on our hearts is permanent. The memory of his tiny body, and his beating heart, will forever be with us.  Dear Yuri, your time here was too short, but you were loved immensely and in your brief life touched the hearts of many. We miss you. We love you. And we will always remember.

Tiny Angels

Tiny Angels rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear….
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren’t here for very long….
Why is it, you couldn’t stay?
Tiny Angel shook his head,
“These things I do not know….
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so”.
Author Unknown

I am Not There

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the gentle autumn rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

When you awake in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight,

I am the star-shine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I did not die.

Author Unknown

May all hearts find peace.