Parenting 2.0

Archive for January 2011


The following was said at our son Yuri’s funeral. He now rests eternally with his Grandma, Borys’ mom. May our tiny little angel rest in peace.

How can the hardest and worst day of my life also be one of the happiest? In the case of Yuri’s birth and short life this statement was made true just a few weeks ago. We were so happy to see our little son and hold him close, but so sad to see his fleeting life flash by before us while in the comfort of our arms, in only two hours.

Even though his life was short, so short, too short, in the short while he existed and in the days that have followed he taught us so much. For me, I need to see or at least search for the positive in life and in this time of tragedy I realize that some positive has come from it. Not that I didn’t know this before, but I have so much to be thankful for: my relationship with Borys, my amazing son Niko, my loving and supportive family (both immediate and extended) and many many solid friendships. I could go on, but those are the things that make me really happy – my relationships.

The day that we got to meet our little son Yuri, the day that we held him in our arms, if only for a little while, there was some pleasure there, seeing the little guy that Borys and I had made, and holding him and caring for him the best we could. And now here we are left with the aftermath of the shortest life we’ve ever known. We had been looking forward to and were expecting a baby, had been expecting to build a lifetime of memories, but instead we got left with the unexepected: planning for Yuri’s burial and dealing with the emotional fallout of losing a baby, a life, and all that we had expected to have with him. So it’s a glaring contrast: the hardest day of my life is also one of the best.

Dear little Yuri, your life here was so short, but in that short time you managed to touch the hearts of many: not only the people that met you but also the hearts of so many more that never had the chance to hold your tiny hand, feel your beating heart or lay eyes on your delicate yet perfectly formed body. Yuri, our baby, we miss you, we love you and will remember forever.

Now some sentiments from family…

CIOCIA O AND UNCLE B:

dear Yuri,

you were only with us in this world for a very short time
but we will remember you forever
and you will always have a place in our hearts

you taught us how fleeting and fragile life can be
and that we need to always treasure each moment
and each other always

with love
O and B

FROM UNCLE DAVE:

Please keep the big picture in mind – there has to be a greater purpose for these recent events.  Perhaps your son’s purpose in life was solely to mellow or soften the hearts of hard assed people like me or others who might hear of his story.

You are the unsung hero – your unselfish love for one another and for your child has given him the opportunity to live on forever in a much better place – no doubt cuddled up in my mother’s (your grandmother’s) arms forever as his surrogate mom.

Please keep the faith, knowing that you now have an additional loving star in the heavens looking out for you.

FROM AUNT C, UNCLE E AND CUZZIE R:

Dear baby Yuri,

We know you were only born little and that your life here was very short.  But we also know that your Mum and Dad and your brother loved you as much in that short time as anyone could ever hope to be loved in this world.

We are sorry we did not get a chance to know you.  But we want you to know that whenever our family meets we will miss that you are not there with us.

Love

Your Aunt C, Uncle E and Cousin R

FROM MY MOM IN REFERENCE TO HER PARENTS:

For the first time that I can remember, they spoke of the little girl they lost. Dad said he sat down with Mom on Tuesday evening and as they sat together they spoke of their baby Elizabeth. Dad said he has had copies made of her birth to give to his children so they do not forget her.

He said to me “You know Sara, we never forget her but time mellows the sadness and you cope. We did have happiness again.”

Here he is [close to] his 91st birthday and he is still teaching me about love.

FROM MOM:

Dear Allison and Borys:
I know that you are preparing to bury your dear son Yuri on Dec 20th.  Please remember…

Yuri was given to you with a plan in place that none of us could have imagined. He had such a strong, vibrant name to represent your family. However there were other plans awaiting him from a higher spiritual being.

We have all been called upon to reflect on our own lives and the frailty within. Yuri was fortunate to have had very caring parents who deeply loved him. …a grandfather Andrew who was ever present to support his children as they struggled with the death of a dear son and grandson.

You will always remember Yuri. Time will pass and you will never forget your time with him. Having Niko is a very wonderful support for you and he will always be there to brighten your days and put a smile on your face.

Please read the attached poem as it is one of my favorites. It seems a fitting tribute to our grandson Yuri, heaven’s brightest star. The children’s book “The Littlest Angel” by Charles Tezewell is also a  favorite of mine and I am sure Yuri will be there with all the other little Angels.

Remember we love you and are sad we are not able to be there to support during a most difficult time. You have both shown us how important it is to focus on the positive.

FOOTPRINTS

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of  footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.” The Lord replied, “My son, My precious child, I love you, and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

___________________________________________________

Love Mom xxxooo

FROM DAD:

Allie & Borys:
Today we went to Mass and one of the readings was the one that starts with:
“Love is patient, love is kind…….”
What it didn’t go on to say was that love is sometimes painful.
I am in pain when I think about your loss.
You two are in pain as you plan for a funeral. (We wish we were there to help comfort you!)
All that pain, caused by LOVE for a special little person, Yuri.
Love which:
— we have for you and you family, and
–you have for your innocent son Yuri
But throughout this difficult time, remember that it is love, you for your family, we for our family and all of us for a God that we sometimes do not understand, which will make us strong enough to get through the pain and carry on with our lives, in spite of our grief.
My prayer for you, Borys and Niko is that little Yuri will strengthen your love for, and enjoyment of each other.
We will be thinking of you and praying for you tomorrow.

Love Dad

________________________________________________________________

When planning for today I wanted to play a song. So many of the ones I listened to were beautiful, but just too sad. I wanted today to be a celebration of his life and the love we have in our family. So I searched and searched for an appropriate song, one with happier lyrics, one that would be more about celebration than loss, and one that left me feeling happier than sadder, and finally settled on  “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles.

The other day I was driving Borys to work and told him all about what song I’d selected and wanted to get some input from him. As I finished saying the word “Beatles” the first few chords of “Here Comes the Sun” started playing on the radio and the whole song followed. It seemed like a clear sign and is the most powerful “sign” I have ever felt. Both Borys and I, overwhelmed by what had just happened burst into tears, and through the tears I was saying “it’s this song, this is the song”…We held hands and listened to it in its entirety all the while thinking of Yuri and feeling his presence with us. Borys put it well at the end when he said, “He’s not with us, but he will always be with us”. By the end of the song, the tears had subsided, and I felt happy. Happy in knowing what we planned for today seemed right. Happy to know we have this special and tiny angel watching over us. Little Yuri you are loved.

After the song ended the radio host came on and said “Do you ever find that song has some kind of a bravery to it? Because sometimes the bravest thing you can do is be optimistic”. It was as if he was talking directly to us. After I dropped Borys off, the rising sun was so bright that I could barely see while driving, and again I felt connected to our little son, Yuri.

Play the song and lay flowers over his urn.

I am Not There

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the gentle autumn rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

When you awake in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight,

I am the star-shine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I did not die.

Author Unknown

 

,

 

I am Not There

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the gentle autumn rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

When you awake in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight,

I am the star-shine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I did not die.

Author Unknown

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