Parenting 2.0

Doggie Days and Dog Bidets

Posted on: March 6, 2010

If there ever was a need for a doggie bidet, this story is it! Could this be my multi-million dollar idea? Hmm, time will tell on that I guess. But it’s true, a couple of days ago a doggie bidet would have come in quite handy.

Taking care of the little Niko Man I deal with my fair share of spit-up and doo doo, and for the most part I make a conscious effort not to blog (too much) about these particular adventures. But when it comes at me from both ends from my standard poodle, I feel it’s (a little) more socially acceptable to post my thoughts.

A few days ago I was commenting to my friend Mel, as we watched Frasier, my beloved dog trotting on ahead of us, “You know, I really want to get his hair trimmed, especially that area under his tail. I mean it’s getting kind of long and could cause a serious mess if anything gets caught in there. If you know what I mean…”. She had to agree. It turns out that my words were foreshadowing events that would take place later that same day!

Yes, I discovered the lovely outcome of what occurs when one spunky poodle pup (although he’s the biggest puppy I’ve ever seen!) greedily gobbles up table almonds – and no they weren’t meant for him, it’s just that Frasier is still learning the art of manners. The episode resulted in him getting sick – on both ends! The recipe went something like this: down the hatch with a mouthful of almonds (or as many as he could get until I pulled him away), then wait one day for the results. And the results were as follows…

You know how dogs, when they’ve got an issue, will endearingly drag their butts right along the carpet? Well, picture our poodle continually doing this, while I am scrambling to get my winter coat on and wondering if my friends Mel and Heather will be OK with Niko for a few minutes, as clearly Frasier needed to get outside, pronto. So, one prominent skid mark on the carpet (yes, you read that correctly!) and two minutes later, we were out the door, only for Frasier to frolic with a few puppy friends and then try and try to get what was ailing him out, but it was to no avail. Until, I noticed he was skidding across the snow, just as he had my carpet, and leaving skid mark trails to boot! Oh glorious day! But better he do that outside than inside. Anyway, it was then I noticed the large amount of caked dog dirt clumped under his tail. Hmm..what to do, what to do!?

Then brilliance struck! I’ll use this random stick to get rid of the dirty mess. Well, it turns out that stick wasn’t strong enough and its brittle pieces snapped and flew up in my face – fingers crossed that it wasn’t the pieces that had touched his dirty mess that were the ones that pummeled my face. I mean picture it, here I am out back, holding Frasier by the leash, while I bend over him holding his tail up, trying desperately to scrape away the dirty clump, only to have the stick snap in my face. Not a pretty site.

Even though the job wasn’t done, I had to go back home. Niko was in good hands, but those good hands had to get to the VIA Train Station to catch their ride back to TO. So, again, what to do what to do? Well, I walked Frasier home, and put him on the patio, while I cleaned the aforementioned skid mark, then careened him into his crate, the whole smelly mess of him. As they used to say on Seinfeld: “Serentiy Now”! But not for long, because it wasn’t long before I heard him start to yak. I rushed to him and pulled him out of the crate to brace his gagging body while he proceeded to upchuck pieces of sticks (he eats them when he doesn’t feel well), whole almonds and bile all over my floor! And again: Serenity Now.

When Borys got him, it was into the tub with this dirty poodle, and this is when the idea for the doggie bidet struck. All we had was some soap, our bare hands, and a trusty pair of scissors. Oh dear. Anyway, a good half hour later, he was much cleaner and after a good one-two with the scissors he didn’t have too much fur left under his tail. But what other options did we have?

Let me tell you, having a baby and a dog and being home with them in my second floor condo day in and day out, provides for lots of “fun” adventures. Despite this awe inspiring tale, I wouldn’t trade my situation – although in our next place, I definitely want a yard, that way I, uh…I mean Frasier, can run around outside like crazy.

Maybe when Niko gets a bit older he can help out with taking care of this lovely pooch. But as it stands right now, he has trouble just sitting on his own, so to have him lean over the tub and act as doggie bidet, doesn’t seem to be in his near future. Lucky little guy!

Note: Frasier often reminds me of that afghan pooch from the UK cartoon, What a Mess – and even more so, after this lovely little episode. See pic below.


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2 Responses to "Doggie Days and Dog Bidets"

Totally relate – only Chiefers is a little bit smaller making it a bit easier to deal with. They had some interesting contraptions to attach to your shower for the dog at the “Everything to do with Pets” show I went to a couple years back.

well, they have a patent for just about everything, hey? geesh…i’ll have to keep the wheels turning. And as an update: We completely shaved Frasier today…except for his head…he looks so puppyish again! CUTE

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